Sometimes news is so tragic, that it’s hilarious. For example, when the Donner Party froze in the Sierra Nevada Mountains and then committed cannibalism to survive. How can this not be funny with jokes like, “George Donner, to sate his hunger, ate out his wife,” and “The Donner Party should’ve known to not eat people without the proper side dish, and A-1 Steak Sauce.” Let’s take a look at some of the tragic news stories currently circulating.
-On May 22, 2010 Air India flight 812 from Dubai crashed when it overshot the runway at Mangalore, India. 158 people were killed. My question is this. When this piece of technical equipment failed in India, who did the Indians call for tech support?
-On April 20, 2010 the Deepwater Horizon oil well exploded. The oil rig later sank and the hole it was drilling began spewing oil into the Gulf of Mexico. Efforts to cap the leak so far have failed. Why haven’t they tried butt plugs?
-Arizona recently passed a law to crack down on illegal immigration. To protest this, illegal immigrants began rioting and pillaging in other states. You know, to show why they deserve to get free shit. Anyway, upon hearing this news, I’ll bet you that all of the Home Depots in Arizona are going to pack up and leave.
-The big banks in this country have been posting record profits while everyone else is tightening their belts. They even have the gall to say, “Look! We’ve made great profits so the economy is improving.” That’s like going to the middle of the Congo, eating a Whopper in front of the hungry, war-stricken villagers while shouting, “Get a job, fucktards!”
-Sarah Palin. Do I really have to say anything else?
-Tropical Storm Agatha ripped through Central America leaving devastation in its wake. Mud slides leveled entire villages while killing dozens upon dozens in Guatemala and Honduras. It truly is a tragic situation for the people there, to have to rebuild their poor homes, somehow find a way to get food for their children while continuing with their existence. Meanwhile in America, no one gave a fuck. Hey! The season finally of Lost was on!
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