The heir to the Hilton hotel empire, Miss Paris Hilton, did her family namesake proud last weekend as she earned the bronze medal at the Special Olympics, which were held in Orlando, Florida. The event in question in which Paris won third place was the pole vault. She placed just behind two other competitors from the Shady Woods School for Gifted People, Mongo Jones who won Silver, and Corky Seamen who clenched the Gold.
The Special Olympics regional competition organizer for the State of Florida, Regina Kowasaki, expressed her happiness and enthusiasm at having such a well known celebrity take part in the track and field portion of these time-honored games. The Special Olympics was established in 1962 by Eunice Kennedy Shriver as an organization to help people with intellectual disabilities (retards). Mrs. Kowasaki stated in a brief interview, “This was a very exciting event. We haven’t had a famous Special Olympian of Paris Hilton’s caliber since Bill O’Reilly in 1992.”
Paris Hilton’s special trainer for this event, Jenna Jameson, who is a famous star of adult films and author, is equally excited for her protégé as well as proud. “When I saw her home-made porn video on the internet,” says Jameson, “I knew right then and there that Paris really knew how to handle a pole. The way she caressed its base with the exact amount of firmness necessary for proper friction without losing grip was so masterful, that I knew she was a natural. I knew I could help to expand her talent of using long, hard objects in order to achieve success.”
Kathy Hilton, Paris’ mother, is more than overjoyed. She’s ecstatic for her young daughter’s success. “I knew from the moment she was born that Paris was destined for great things,” her mother told reporters over the phone. “Even from a very young age, I could tell she was special. She would constantly have a lollipop in her mouth while she straddled the stairway banister at home, pretending she was riding a horse or some other meaty animal, usually with no hands. Now that’s talent.”
Paris was unavailable for an interview. Her personal assistant said she is currently undergoing a grueling training schedule for her next event with the Green Bay Packers.
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